When someone you love dies, there is no such thing as moving on. Kelley Lynn does an amazing job sharing the truths and the ridiculous viewpoints that come from people’s mouths who have never been widowed.
This almost exact message, I have shared with the A Widows World and Hope for Widows Foundation communities. Widows and Widowers when faced with this number one stressful and life altering loss, do not need the additional secondary losses and judgments that come after. If you are widowed and have not experienced the secondary losses, you are one of the few.
Thank you Kelley Lynn, for sharing that grief is not something any of us will ever move on from. It is outrageous how others project onto the grieving – what they themselves do not know, do not understand, can not comprehend for their reality. How lucky are they to have an opinion without an understanding? The forums I follow as a widow advocate – offer much in the way of support – but it also elicits anger from many of us going through widowhood and learning of what our fellow widow and widower friends are facing themselves. Each of us are in our own stage of grief, timeframe, progression, however the connection is so understood and like none other out there. Widow communities are growing, popping up and being created each day, and the voice of the widowed heart is being heard not only by those who have a public platform, like Sheryl Sandburg sharing openly of her loss, but also by many within our communities that are getting their message out there. It is amazing and will offer much in the way of growing support, that has previously not been as visible or available!
Some of the things stated to me right away after my husband died, felt egregious, my defenses were down and I kept getting hammered. The hate that people placed on me gave me a backbone very quickly and made me decide they could continue on with their narrow minded focus – but I would show them that grief has no end, but happiness can be present and found again. That is exactly what I have done, am doing and will continue to do and share. When one person questions why, you say, why not? Did you know “Widow Blinders” are a thing? When widowed, the blinders are removed, popped up and life is seen through the waves of sadness, but also the realization of how really small our time is here on earth. Instead of wasting it, live. Take chances, speak your truth and manifest the life of your design. By doing so, you are honoring yourself and your spouse – creating a legacy that others get to watch. Sitting on the sidelines of life waiting – never did a thing for anyone.
I think we have all seen what Patton Oswalt just went through with the firing squad of people who simply are ignorant. I hope they never have to get it, that they never go through such tragedy. I hope they learn from the masses of widowed however, close to 14 million in the United States alone. I hope we teach them how to live. Many widowed often ask, when is it ok to date, when should I start putting my heart out there again? Many long for touch, connection, conversation. I have always said, when you feel ready to try. You may find out you are not ready at all, you may know that, but if you just need to get out and explore connection – you go ahead and do that, do you!
Be a friend to a widow, continue to be a friend. Invite them and include them, speak the name of their spouse who has passed. Widowhood is not contagious. It is not a plague. I am sorry for those who don’t know what to do, but don’t shut widows out because you are not equipped. Get equipped – try to understand or learn from them or others like us. Don’t ever say, “Get over it, or get on with your life”. Be a positive and uplifting force in their life, just show up, pop in and include them.
I challenge all of you widowed to start sharing your hearts, start sharing these types of videos, articles and platforms, start speaking your truths and educating the ignorant. Ignorance really is bliss. We can be the change to help others who have come before and who will come after us.